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Reduce
Stress: Make Holidays Special
By
Jenée Wilde
Tradition
is an important part of the holiday season
for many families. One of my family's
traditions when I was growing up was to have
Christmas dinner at my grandparents' farm.
We opened presents a second time, then feasted
on my aunts' favorite recipes and Grandma's
green Jello, a concoction of pistachio pudding,
Dream Whip, Marshmallows and pineapple.
I
enjoyed my family's Christmas traditions as
a child, but the older I've gotten, the
more the holiday season has become less enjoyable
and more stressful.
Perhaps
if I were closer to my family I'd feel differently,
but without family here to share in Christmas
traditions, I've come to dread the season.
I hate traffic and crowds and advertisements
screaming at me to buy the latest gadgets
in the market.
So
a few years ago my life partner, Steve Whiteman,
and I tried an experiment. We decided to make
Christmas optional.
This
may sound strange. Christmas is Christmas,
after all. Everybody has to buy presents and
spend time with family. But what if you don't
have to do any of that?
Steve
says that when something becomes mandatory
for you, the fun and play of the activity
is lost and it becomes work to you: you have
to go to a job; you have to pay your bills;
you have to visit your family on holidays.
You may say to yourself, “Oh, I don't
really have to visit the in-laws this year,”
but deep down inside you know that's not
true. It's expected, and if you let it
slide, you'll bear some kind of backlash
for it-either guilty feelings or guilt-spreading
mother-in-laws, or both.
When
something becomes optional, however, you give
yourself back your freedom of choice. This
is one of the things Steve teaches students
at Trillium Center for Awakening. When you
decide your job is optional, you go to work
with renewed energy and a sense of play. “What
if I tried something different in the office
today?” you might say. “What if
I call in well?” When you decide holidays
are optional too, you let go of the
guilt and consumer craziness, allowing yourself
to experience the day as very special-or very
ordinary.
When
I made holidays optional, I let go of family
and cultural expectations and regained my
freedom of choice. I can buy presents or not.
I can have a special dinner or not. I can
spend time with family and friends or not.
Making the decision felt as if a great weight
was lifted from me. Most of the people close
to me understood my decision and wished they
could feel so free. Well, here's the secret-you
can.
Stress
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