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Keep
on Dancing!
By
Viola Nelson
One morning while at work I had been staring at a sheet of paper with
my cost of living expenses itemized in stark black and white. The figures
were unforgiving. How could I save money? I could only cut so much out
of what I was spending to exist. The crunch brought on by my ever-increasing
expenses and needs fueled a pervasive sense of personal financial anxiety.
 The
urge to call my cousin to vent rose from a familiar stream of worry
and conflicting thoughts. “Somebody sympathize with me!” The
self-pitying mantra rose from my guts. The phone, close by on the desk,
seemed an inanimate tool of relief.
But I made a stronger commitment. I decided not to complain.
It was empowering. But now what? I gave myself a little breathing time
by getting up from the desk and tripping to the office kitchen. When
I sat down, I held my head. The phone was in my peripheral vision, but
calling anyone for reassurance was now not an option. Then, an image
appeared in my mind, an event from more than eighteen years ago. It
was a scene from my life, and a 14-year-old girl was dancing onstage
in turquoise tights and leotard, jumping around to music that was not
playing.
At the time, it was the only thing to do. Years ago, in the talent segment
of a pageant in front of dozens of people, I was dancing furiously to
“Oh, What a Feeling!” when the taped music stopped. Caught
up in a fervent performance, the words echoed through my head. “What
a fee-ling! I am music now! Being's believing! I am rhythm now! I can
have it all, now I'm dancing through my life!” And I never stopped,
never missing a beat when the cheap tape obliterated thirty seconds
of the song.
When the music resumed, I remember at one moment spinning to silence
and then falling right back in step on the beat. The audience cheered,
but at the time I wasn't really aware of why. Somehow the mishap added
to my performance. No music, no rehearsed steps, I was just going with
the flow, enjoying it too much to stop or stumble; besides, that would
have violated the second rule of performing. Number 1: Smile. Number
2: Never show the audience that something's gone wrong.
At first the image just seemed random, but then within a second the
sentiment accompanied the recalled inspired moment: “Keep dancing
– even when the music stops.”
It's a hard lesson to apply when life looks difficult, and I have
had times when it seemed as though the music would never resume. If
I keep on going, will I fall back on beat? In the absence of an energizing
melody to life, should I just keep stepping anyway?
We all have times when the music seems to stop. The path that we are
going on takes an abrupt turn, the expectations that dictated how we
plan our lives are suddenly altered, money is scarce while greater needs
emerge, an inspired project, plan or idea is defeated, requiring a time
of mourning and re-planning. Perhaps at these times it is more important
to listen inwardly and go on as though the energizing song of our lives
is still pushing us.
What did I know then, as a kicking and spinning teenager on a stage
dancing to silence? When I look back on that time, I remember as a rule
of performance that once you're on stage, you're on stage, and
what you are doing requires commitment from start to finish in front
of an audience. Defeat, running, or succumbing to fear are possible
escapes but not productive options.
In the absence of the audible tune of motivation, you can plan your
next scene. Eventually, the world will benefit from your song, your
script, or your story. Perhaps an admiring audience awaits your work
while you spin and toil in silence. And sometimes an apparent scarcity
of love, funding, or inspiration are actually calls to dig deeper into
your soul to reestablish commitments to the work that is unique to your
life.
One day the music resumes, and the challenges that inevitably face those
who strive, create, toil, and survive – aren't the end of the
story, but a pause. The courage to continue without cues may lead to
the greatest performance. I no longer have the immediate struggle with
money that plucked at my soul's patience, the worries repeating
in my mind like a note on a scratched record. In short, I solved
the problem with counseling and asking for help.
Still, another moment in another aspect of life, without the promising
rhythm of a sure plan has caused me to halt almost completely, and I
surrendered to it. I know somewhere in the background, the music of
life plays while I stay in motion or stay still. The beat will emerge
again, and the song beckons to reach for the stars.
Viola
Nelson, degreed in art history and anthropology, considers life a sacred
journey, and through a series of ups and downs, is learning to keep
on dancing. Contact her at Nelsonv1872@cs.com
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